Black Motorsports

Columbus, Miss. -

Black Motorsports officially returns to league racing action after a long hiatus. The team has been through a lot over the years, Somali Pirates blowing up the original shop, and moving the headquarters to Mississippi. But team owner, Stephen Black, has high hopes for the future. "Sure, I may not be that good, and that comes with the rust after being gone so long. I know all of these guys here, and I enjoy racing with them. Plus, I always have my five pet llamas to return home to after the race. So that always makes me happy." We then asked Black what he plans to do with whatever winnings he earns this season. "I plan on starting a natural habitat for llamas." No location has been set for Black's llama habitat, as well as any other plans.

Stay tuned for more news from Black Motorsports.

Columbus, Miss. -

The paint scheme schedule for the season has been released. Black Motorsports will be mainly sponsored by NOS Energy Drink, but will run Mobil 1 for a few races during the season, as well.

Daytona 400k - NOS Energy Drink
Educational Lottery 100 - NOS Energy Drink
Bic Lighters 200k - Mobil 1
Trois-Rivieres Home Hardware 100k - NOS Energy Drink
Autobacs 200k - Mobil 1
Pedigree 100 - NOS Energy Drink
Brickyard 150 - NOS Energy Drink
FedEx 200k - Mobil 1
Newport 200k - Mobil 1
Jack Daniel's 100 - NOS Energy Drink
Coca-Cola 200k - Mobil 1
Amp Energy 300k - NOS Energy Drink
GoPro 100 - Mobil 1
American Ethanol 100 - Mobil 1
Tums 100k - NOS Energy Drink
Country Time 200k - NOS Energy Drink

Columbus, Miss. -

Stephen Black fires engine builder, Helen Keller, after Daytona race. Black said this, "She's just not cutting it. I thought it would be unique to have a woman engine builder, but even worse than that, she's deaf and blind!"

Helen Keller also commented, saying, "Ohuhuahgjhhjh." We can only speculate this as an angry response, as she always looks angry and talks angrily.

Stay tuned for more news.

BLACK MOTORSPORTS SHOP ROBBED

The Black Motorsports shop was robbed last night. Not much is known at this time. All that was taken was Black's secret stash of Playboy magazines and hard liqour. Black has made an assumption that former engine employee, Helen Keller, is behind this in some fashion.

Stay tuned for more.

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Helen Keller? Did a llama ejaculate in your ability to make humor.

After investigation, it was deemed that Helen Keller did not have anything to do with the incident. Instead, it was redirected back to an old nemesis of Black Motorsports.. A Somali Pirate by the name of Mohammed Issa. Black said this, "Apparently, he hired someone to break into my shop. I have no clue how he came into contact with this person, unless he's a gay friend of his."

Black has stepped up security outside of the shop, looking for Issa and his gaggling, butt fucking band of Somalians.

Stay tuned for more.

I hope you die from it, then.