26th Annual Hell this is Good Sour Cream Dips at the Glen/Indycar

Well fellas here it is, the big street course race at Walkins Bend, known affectionately as "The Bend" by the drivers and their mascot Miley the Moose. Let's talk a bit about The Bend while we wait for a list of participants.

History
The Bend was asscoped to be built in Mexico because they like road course racing. But the developers got lost because they weren't Burton Schmidt, who is the only developer worth a damn in this nation, and they accidentally built the entire circuit in New York. It is rumored that the same Jews who control the media paid them to put the track here, because Judaism was re-founded in New York after the people of Bethlehem, PA asked them to leave when Marco Andretti was born in 4 A.D.

Well anyway, the track had big time financial problems because no one gives much of a damn about road racing here and they shouldn't because it sucks. Then Brian France bought the track in 1986 and saved it and now it no longer has to host that Mexican F1 stuff and can actually have NASCARs, Grand-Ams, and it used to have IRL but IRL sucks with those four-cylinder Honda engines and shit, they sound like they're farting and their drivers drive like farts too.

But they've raced here every year since 1957 except when they didn't but the old owners stole all the money to subsidize the Russian steel mills that build F1 cars for Vitaly Petrovsky, who wrote Crime and Punishment while racing in Siberia, because the old owners were dumb and thought the F1 race was important but it wasn't.

In 1973, the NASCAR race was called Summer Jam and 600,000 people went. This proves my point the old owners sucked, because 600k is like, what a Crafting World Series of Trucks race gets on a stand-alone weekend.

The Track
Well it's a road course, so it has eight corners but I only count seven, well, I wish they'd just make it an oval because I don't like road racing. They make too much contact and pass too much and weird guys do well and I hate it. Not enough aero dependency for me to enjoy.

Some of the corners are named. The back straight is named because straightaways are the best part of the tracks because of all the POWER yeah baby BIG ENGINES MAKE TORQUE OH YEAH. It is called Back Straight, because the track used to be gay when it ran F1, but it is back to being straight again now.

Past Winners
1957: Bootie Barker
1958-1963: Not run because Vietnam
1964: Billy Wade Cyrus, father of mascot Miley the Moose
1965: Mark Marvin Panch, no relation to Stirling Merlin who raced a Jeepswagen on road courses in the early 90s
1966: Tony Ave, he's a road course ringer
1967: Tony Ave, he's a road course ringer
1968: Jackie Stewart, father of Tony
1969: Jochen Villeneuve, brother of Jocks
1970: Emerson Fittipaldi, Drive 4 Diversity's first winner
1971: Tony Ave, he's a road course ringer
1972: Jackie Stewart
1973: Richard Childress
1974: Carlos Reutemann, David's Mexican father
1975: Niki Lauda, mentor of Cassi Cän because they both have gay names
1976: Tony Ave, he's a road course ringer
1977:Tony Ave, he's a road course ringer
1978: Carlos Reutemann
1979: Gil's Billenough
1980: Marcos Ambrose, first British
1981-1985: Not run because Ronald "The President" Reagan was too busy to drive in it
1986: Tim Richmond, track president of Richmond International Raceway and also gave AIDS to "Magic" Trevor Brain through a blood transfusion to make Trevor faster
1987: Rusty Wallace in the "It's Rusty Time!" car
1988: Ricky "Cornish Hen" Rudd, driving for the insured Ernie Elliott in his #28 Texaco car
1989: Rusty Wallace in the "Rusty Up, Choose on Taste" car
1990: Ricky "Cornish Hen" Rudd, still driving for the insured Ernie Elliott, who we all thought was dead
1991: Ernie Elliott, not dead
1992: Kyle "The Emperor" Petty, winning an INCREDIBLE $50,000
1993: Mart Markin, retired in Victory Lane
1994: Mart Markin, retired in Victory Lane
1995: Mart Markin, retired in Victory Lane
1996: Jeff Dobine, oldest winner at 102, grandfather of Tobb and Brent
1997: Geoff Gordon
1998: Geoff Gordon
1999: Geoff Gordon
2000: Geoff Gordon
2001: Geoff Gordon
2002: P.J. Jones
2003: Geoff Gordon
2004: Geoff Gordon
2005: Geoff Gordon
2006: Geoff Gordon
2007: Geoff Gordon
2008: Geoff Gordon
2009: Goeff Gordon
2010: Juantoya

Understanding Road Racing
P.J. Jones and Casey Mears understand road racing because they are good at it. They understand you need to turn right and left to be fast on a road course, but to be fast, you have to actually be slow, because road courses suck. I like big tracks like Forntana and Mitchigan where you go FAST.

Minorities
Andrew Ranger is a Québéçois Mexican. His last name is pronounced Rahn-jzhay. Phil Cavali once said he was a fine-looking man. He physically assaulted the elderly and disabled Terry Labonte to steal the #32 car to transport cocaine back to Canada.

Terry was to enter the race riding his Hoveround chair instead, but his son Bobby does the marketing for Front Row Joe Motorsports, NEMCO's satellite time, and got Terry the 38 car instead. Long John Travis Kvapil will not be racing.

Mike Bliss is in the 32 car now though, I think the police are leaning on Ranger.

Broadcast Info
Marty Reid, Kenny Wallace, and Jeff Hammond will be in the booth. Darrell Waltrip, Michael Waltrip, Brad Daugherty, Eric Sturrock, Dave Moody, Rusty Wallace, Steven Wallace, Bill Weber, and Andy Peachtree will be in the studio. In the ESPN Crafting Tech Center is Tim Brewer and Matt Crafting. Mike Hogewood, Jock Billeneough, Vince Welch, and Dr. Jerry Punch, M.D. are the pit reporters.[/quote]

You, sir, are awesome as fuck.

You forgot Robby Jourdain Jr. won in 2003.

Ernie Cope is the son of Derrike Cope. Elliott Sadler is the son of Bill Elliott. Bill Elliott's wife was Ernie Elliott. My mind is blown by this driver/crew chief pairing.

Marc Davis is a minority so he is probably a good road course racer.

Ron Fellas is a favorite of Rusty Wallace's, I'm surprised he isn't in the 62 hot rod.

It is good to see a young driver like Jimmie Johnson gain much-needed stock car experience as he transitions from Formula One.

Funny Dan the Race Car Man Brode is a renowned champion of the 24 Heures du Mans. With the expertise of Jennifer Jo Cobb, he can learn to tandem draft which is a key to winning here.

Tim George, Jr. hates road courses. His father, Tim "Tony" George, started the IRL because road courses like Michigan and Milwaukee and Mexicans like Al Unser, Jr. killed CART in 1994. I don't know why he's running this race.

Casey Roderick comes from ARCA, a highly competitive series of skilled stock car drivers on the rise. I would say it is tougher to compete in ARCA than Nationwind so he could win with ease.

Tomy Drissi is Puerto Rican. He works illegally at a chemical plant in Weehawken, NJ. Also movies.

Do you think Good Sam Hornish will drive in place of Brad Keselooski. I think Juantoya will have some competition from Robert Gordon III in his Hendrick powered Dodge while Kevin Conway will take over the points lead from Carlton Edwards and Jimothy Johnson will get wrecked by Curtis Busch, who will also take out Joseph Gibbs' driver Denny's Hamlin after hitting the late great Ralph Dale Jarrett (RIP)'s son Ralph Dale Jarrett Jr.

I think Mark Marvin Panch will bring home the win barely beating David Ronald Reagan and Ronald Reagan Smith.

Pretty sure Regan Ragan is replace Ronald Reagan Smith.

Fukstix

I thought Ronald Reagan Smith had a ride guarenteed by Ralph Dale Earnhardt Sr's son Kelley Earnhardt-Elledge!?!

Michael Annett will not be racing the nationwide race due to an AA meeting that Saturday.

I thought Napkins Glenn was named after the late Dale Jarrett Sr's nephew Glenn Jarrett?

GW Jon Wood

Do you think Jeremy Methfield will make his first race since 2000 after wrecking Ralph Dale Earnhardt Sr?

dont forget indy's cars are racing at New Hampshure on the streets of Nashua, Near the hometown of the craftings. I dont get why the granted state gets so many races.

looks like a 40% chance of rain after 4pm tomorrow at the glen

I want Leigh Diffey doing commentary for every race. He is in the booth on Speed for Practice. He's been awesome.

Leigh Diffey commentating NASCARs I wat'd when he started talking

also Logano, Stenhouse, and Ragan will have a hell of a time if it rains in the grand am race

wtf Kyle Petty, when Montoya gets out on track, he says, "here comes the 420 car" lmao, I'm not sure if it was intentional or not

that was intentional and, FUUUUU kyle

God dammit. 15 alternator died/is dieing. 67 brokes a trans. Drissi is just slow.

53 blew up or something now. 15 is absolutely falling apart. Fuck this shit.

Terrible race. Rain is close to the track, but not close enough.

get ready for the big one in turn 1.

Wow, Timmy's car sounds like something from NR2003. No 4th gear, electrical system is dead, and motor is dieing.

Well that was a bleh race. Fucking ESPN didn't see there was a crash off of the last turn I guess. lol

once again fresh tires arent any better than 30 lap old tires

Kyle Busch said this coming across the line xD
All you fucking motherfuckers are amateurs!" "We're all fucking amateurs!"