Pür Michigan 400/Le 200

SPEEDWAY RAZIN NOW THIS IS THE STUFF DREAMS ARE MADE OF. THE CARS WILL BE GOING FAST THIS WEEKEND LIKE PROBABLY 215 INTO THE CORNERS AND 215 IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CORNERS AND 215 OUT OF THE CORNERS, WELL, THAT'S IF YOU GET REAL GOOD FORWARD BITE YOU'LL BE FLAT FLYING.

Keys to the Race
Tracks like Fontana and Michigan require extensive dirt-track experience to handle because you get all aero loose. Ask Matt Yocum who will ask Tony Stewart.

Michigan is famous for pack racing so you gotta watch out for THE BIG ONE. It can happen at any time at Michigan. Ask Brent Dobine who was given the choice to fake his own death in a practice crash to give NASCAR publicity or become a NASCAR R+D so he did both by wrecking in practice and living in what was the feel-good America story of the century and then he devoted his life to safety by approving Angela Cope for 1.5-mile speedways.

Memorable Races
In 1969 Benny Parsons won in a 1969 Ford for the Wooden Brothers. Trevor Brain drove this same Ford to the win at Daytona this year despite his AIDS. God is Great!

The 1985-1987 races were great. "Electric" Bill Elliott shocked the world with a hat-trick of wins. This is before he was squashed. He was dominant on restrictor plate tracks like Michigan in the 80s in his McDonald's Ford.

In 1991 Dale Jarrett battled Jimmy "Mr. Excitement" Johnson hard for the win and he did win and then he died less than a decade later. I bet Johnson wouldn't have raced him so hard if he had known.

In 1994 Jeff Dobine won here. He also won at The Bend if you recall. Other than the Brickyard presents the Allstate 400, he won every single race in 1994. Bill's domestic partner Ernie Elliott lost his eye in this race and had to wear an eye patch for the rest of his life. He never raced again until a few years later but then he decided to build engines instead. Because he is down an eye, he makes all of his engines down a cylinder as a signature touch. This makes them very popular with small teams.

Stirlin Marling won in 2001. He's gay and drives Volkswagens disguised as Jeeps. I have to give him some debit because he's a lowly road course guy but he won a real race I guess it was lucky.

In 2002, Glenn Jarrett won racing under his diseased brother Dale's name. This was a touching moment in the motorsports community because Michigan is a lot like Daytona so it was close enough.

Jeremy Mayfield won in 2005 because he is a math addict. He's good at crunching numbers when he does math so he did that fuel mileage stuff. Floyd Anthony Raines, IV., OBE almost won but then he didn't win. During the course of the race, RainesFan edited his Wikipeda article 62 times to reflect Raines' current running position.

Now let me tell you about the Le 200.

I don't really know how to get the entry list off of Jayski and onto this post like some of you wizards can do. I think it's called copy and taste. I don't really understand computation much, but here's some stuff about the race.

Why Road Racing Sucks
Road racing sucks so much so they sent NASCAR up to Canada to do it because they don't want to make good hard-working Americans spend money on a NASCAR race thinking they're getting a race and instead they get some bullshit that caters to those rednecks who like passing and contact and crashes and lead changes and strategy and shit. Road racing takes the aerodynamics out of it, it costs so much money with all that braking and shifting, and it's just flat slow. I hate that shit, they don't even draft or nothing, what kind of racing is this.

Good thing it's not happening on my soil, those suckers up in Canada. They don't even wear deodorant so I guess they have extra money to waste on stuff like this but really, if Québec didn't still report to the Soviet Union, they should just build them a freaking speedway like Michigan. But they're a bunch of communists who put coconut oil in their freaking Oreos so it's awesome of NASCAR to trick them into thinking they're getting a modern, sophisticated, thinking man's spectacular of speed and then throw them a clusterfuck old-time stock car show. Bastards spending their worthless kopecks on a worthless product, that's what communism gets you and if Barack has his way, dammit, we'll be just as bad off.

Over-the-Top Pronunciation Guide because foreigners
Jean-François Dumoulin - Jzhahn Frahnszwa Doomohleen
Alex Tagliani - Alex Tagleeahnee
Jacques Villeneuve - Jzhahck Vfilneoov (subtle e)
Luis Martinez, Jr. - Looees Marteenays el saygoondough
Tomy Drissi - Tommy Dreetzee
Andrew Ranger - Andrew Rahnzhay
Maryeve Dufault - Maree-ev Du-fo (Mar like Martin, not Mar like Mary)
Patrick Carpentier - Patreek Carpahnteeyay

Canadian Culture
In America, we often make things plural by improperly adding an "'s" to it. In Canada, they do the opposite, making things possessive by adding just an "s." Example: Tim Hortons restaurants.

Famous Canadians include:
The Boot (a corner at Watkins Bend shaped like a boat)
John Lennon (Soviet communist guy who preceded Stalling or something, Bolsheviks and shit)
Michele Bachmann (one of those generic celebrities)
Ron Fellas (that guy Dale Jr. beat when Dale Jr. was good)
Brad Marshmont (ice hockey)
George Gillett (Canada's most successful businessman who used to own three major sports franchises until the Soviets deemed him too successful for society. Those were the New England Patriots who played at Gillett Stadium, the Gillett Young Guns who were the gunmen who took out Evan Hackett, and the Mighty Ducks of Anaheim because that's the only hockey team I know)

Track History
Rusty Wallace had a lot of success designing his Iowa Speedway so he gave a crayon and some paper to his son Steven and said "design me a track" and Steven tried to draw a 1.5-mile oval which is the kind of tracks we all like but he made a lot of jagged lines instead because Tourette syndrome. So Rusty compromised and said we'll build it in Canada and no one will find it and then NASCAR found it because Brian France was drunk and thought Florida was north and saw the water and was like "HOME THIS MUST BE THE PLACE PICK ME UP SOMETHING SOMETHING SOMETHING OOOHHH OHHHHHH SOMETHING SOMTHING BUD FOX AND A HOOKER DOING COCAINE SOMETHING SOMETHING BLACKFIELD MAYFLAG." Well anyway, it opened in 2006 and they named it after Gil's Billenough.

Now you may be saying who is that well he's an IRL driver. This track is so bad Ron Fellas wouldn't put his name on it so they had to get some silly IRL driver. Like what.

LMFAO @ your sig XD

Do you think I have a strange urge for Steven to do well in this race.

Always

lmao

Baker gets twitter = instant troll.

LMFAO

he mad

NASCARGearHead wrote:

Baker gets twitter = instant troll.

I've had twitter for a while now lol

NASCARGearHead wrote:

Do you think you're trying too hard.

LOL Ian fucking fails at trolling the planet robby twitter. They just fucking made you look like a coward.

wat

Does that mean I was made cowardice by an eight year old fanboy, similar to yourself.

Umad

No you were not Ian. You were made into a pussy by someone with more logic than yourself

RobbyG723 wrote:

No you were not Ian. You were made into a pussy by someone with more logic than yourself

Are you frustrated Britfag.

RobbyG723 wrote:

No you were not Ian. You were made into a pussy by someone with more logic than yourself

So how long have you been running Planet Robby.

RobbyG723 wrote:

No you were not Ian. You were made into a pussy by someone with more logic than yourself

Wat. Saying I have a small penis and noting I should play a xBox I don't own shows superior internet authority? Problem?

KAuto26 wrote:

RobbyG723 wrote:

No you were not Ian. You were made into a pussy by someone with more logic than yourself

So how long have you been running Planet Robby.

About 2 years now. It's pretty fun.

RobbyG723 wrote:

KAuto26 wrote:

RobbyG723 wrote:

No you were not Ian. You were made into a pussy by someone with more logic than yourself

So how long have you been running Planet Robby.

About 2 years now. It's pretty fun.

Can you put the small penis tweet back up then. It being deleted messes up the screenshot I need.

AuzGrams wrote:

RobbyG723 wrote:

No you were not Ian. You were made into a pussy by someone with more logic than yourself

Are you frustrated Britfag.

Are you in need of a life lonerqueer?

KAuto26 wrote:

RobbyG723 wrote:

KAuto26 wrote:

RobbyG723 wrote:

No you were not Ian. You were made into a pussy by someone with more logic than yourself

So how long have you been running Planet Robby.

About 2 years now. It's pretty fun.

Can you put the small penis tweet back up then. It being deleted messes up the screenshot I need.

Retweet it again and Ill leave it up for everyone to see.

i think we all need to land our planes here boys